If there is one thing I can be sure of when a new parenting situation arises, it’s that I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. Parenting is hands down the fastest learning curve ever! You have a human life to take care of and NO book, class, or dr is going to prepare you for what is about to happen. Shit will get real, REAL fast. I remember when A was a baby and I asked my dr if I could give him Tylenol. The dr said to me, “Well he’s your child. You will know if you need to.” Well shit doc, thanks for making me feel like an incompetent moron. However, it struck a cord in me. She was right. Who ever thought I would be “allowed” to make decisions for my child and his well-being. What an interesting concept?! Cue lightbulb!
And just like that I walked out of the dr. office with my shades on, wind blowing in my hair, pointing & winking at those unfortunate parents in the waiting room, with “damn it feels good to be a gangster” playing in the background. Just the boost of mom-fidence I needed. I can handle this, even if it feels like I’m about to loose my damn mind. Fast forward 3yrs later and you bet your ass I feel like the Ironman of sleep-training, teething, baby-advice giving (just ask my sister)! However when it comes to all things past the age of 3…there’s that incompetent moron again. So what do I do to get my boost of mom-fidence back?
Step 1: I admit that I have no clue what I’m doing and ask for help. Honesty is the best step towards mom-fidence. Be honest with yourself and be honest with others. Ask for help. Ask for advice (but don’t feel like you always have to take it). Don’t expect others to magically know what to do. Tell them what you need (yes this is referring to your significant other). Tell other moms what you’re going through because likely they’ve been there at some point too. Side note: If we’re being honest, there is just about nothing worse than moms who act like their child never cries, they never scream at them, and they look like Cinderella (post-fairy Godmother) everyday. Don’t be like that. Ok back on track…walk proudly through the store un-showered in your sweatpants and scrunchies! Be the badass mother that you are. That brings me to the next step in mom-fidence.
Step 2: Brush that shit off your shoulders. There will always be that lady in the grocery store who tells you your baby is HUGE or a girl (when he’s wearing all blue). There will always be new information about everything you’ve been doing wrong this whole time. There will always be über passionate people who will push their beliefs on you. Listen (or pretend to), do what you believe is best for you and your family, & brush any extra shit off your shoulders. But when it all becomes too overwhelming and you just want to ugly cry …
Step 3: Be gentle with yourself. You can make mistakes and question if you are slowly ruining your child so they resent you for the rest of their life. You can cry and feel sorry for yourself. You can feel like a champion for getting your kid to eat a bite of chicken (before he spits it out). But whatever you do, be gentle with yourself. How can you expect to take care of your children (this includes your husband) if you don’t take care of yourself. Like they say on the airplane, please secure your oxygen mask before assisting others. Now would I do that? I’m not sure. I’d probably help my kid first, but get the point?
You’re doing a GREAT job (I mean hopefully you are…since I don’t know all of you I can’t guarantee that you’re a good person), but I hope you are. Sometimes you just need the reminder that you’re doing your best and your best is enough. It is more than enough. If there is one thing you can be completely mom-fident about, it is that you love your little asshole kid even when he keeps you up all night long and throws chocolate milk all over your carpeting. Oh yeah…sorry that’s just my kid. Your kid isn’t an asshole. I mean he/she might be, but that’s ok too.
And if you don’t have kids and you’re reading this, you’re still doing a great job. Keep trucking away. Be honest, brush your shoulders off, and be gentle with yourself. You got this.
Have a GREAT day! Do something for YOU today because you ROCK!
xo, Colleen
Kindness & Cursing 