You know when you go to meet someone’s baby or show up at an event where there is a new baby present and you are surrounded by women who ask to hold the baby? Well you can find me awkwardly stepping out of the way to avoid contact. It’s not your baby, it’s me. I’m just not a baby holding person. I mean I like babies and all and I love cuddling with my own babies, but I’ll admit mine were odd versions of human aliens with extra wrinkly skin that peeled off in flakes and it’s just not everyone’s cup of tea. I hear women say their ovaries ache when they see a little smoosh, but mine don’t really ache they more like freeze (similar to my ice cold heart I suppose). Why does it feel so wrong to not be obsessed with holding babies? I don’t know. Sometimes I’ll hold a baby to see if I still don’t like holding babies or to help out a mama in need, but it’s definitely not because I want to snuggle with someone else’s kid. There have however been a few exceptions though like when a baby smiles at you and laughs and you feel really freaking cool. I dig those babies, but more often than not I’m happier just acknowledging them from a distance.
Now despite what you’re reading, I’m not completely emotionless. I do have my annual cry as my own babies get bigger thinking I will never have an itty bitty baby to hold again (…that can’t talk back to me) and I do find some sadness in it, but I always say that I am SO lucky that my babies are growing up, because not all babies are able to so I should be excited with each new day. I believe people when they say “it goes so fast” and “you’ll miss this”. I will miss this and it does go really f-ing fast, but that doesn’t mean I need to hold someone else’s baby to make me feel better.
Let me also state that I’m not a hypocrite. I feel equally bad for anyone who has held my children. When people have asked to hold my babies I would say “are you sure? you don’t have to!” so I could give them an out or after they would hold them for 60 seconds I would ask if they needed rescuing. I don’t want anyone to feel like they needed to because guilt tells them to.
However, to the woman who willingly loves holding babies, you are a Godsend. I have a friend named Colleen (yes believe it or not ANOTHER Colleen) and she loves holding babies. She would probably hold 10 babies at once while they shit on her lap and spit up on her clothes because she just loves them. And to people like her THANK YOU! Thank you for giving my tired arms a break. Thank you for letting me eat my meal without worrying about my kid dropping his paci. Thank you for stepping in line to hold someone else’s baby so I could awkwardly escape. You are a wonderful, needed person in this world.
And to all my friends & family reading this, don’t think I don’t like your babies or I have regretted holding them or won’t want to hold them in the future, I just prefer to play with them when they function a little bit more on their own that’s all. And I’m sorry if I’m the worst friend and haven’t given your tired arms a break. I’ll make up for it in other ways like hopping them up on sugar someday when they’re toddlers and sending them home. 😉 Just kidding…I think.
Anyways, to all the women who feel a sense of guilt because they don’t love holding other people’s babies, don’t feel bad. I’ve already said enough to sound like an asshole for you. And to conclude…I blame all of my issues on my mother (proven because my sister is the exact same way) so you can point to her when my arms just happen to be too full to grab your baby.