Last night I thought I would be the super, awesome mom who tried to sneak vegetables into my kids food! Cauliflower pizza crust! I mean how hard could it be? I got my kids “involved” to help me and things were off to a good start! Well, 1 bleeding finger, 2 starving/screaming kids & 43 dirty dishes later it was done and it wasn’t too bad!
Time to sit down and feed these starving boys. C took a bite or two and A sat drinking water. I kept gently reminding them to eat their dinner that they decorated & worked SO hard on. Nothing. Ok time for bribery! I offered a treat if they finished their pizza! Clearly we were beyond that as the answer was “no thank you”. Then it was on to threats. “You can either go to bed or eat your stupid f-ing cauliflower crust pizza”. (Cursing used for dramatic blog reading, not used at my children)! And cue the waterworks! A was crying, I was yelling and C was running around playing with mini puzzle pieces that he shouldn’t have, but I would need to get to him later. I was too busy fuming at my eldest. “Alright, it’s bed time” my husband hears as he walks through the door. He sees that I’m loosing my mind and calms down our son. He gets him to try the pizza so that I will take a step back off the ledge and we can all live in peace again. We read our books and put the boys to bed.
Cue mom guilt as I saw a 1/4 eaten, or should I say not eaten, pizza I worked so hard on. Why did I get SO upset about him not eating the pizza? Well I know why. Because my kids don’t eat ANY vegetables and obviously according to magazines and ranch dressing commercials kids should be eating fucking salad like it’s ice cream! I’ll blame society for this chunk of my mom guilt! The other chunk is my patience level. It was just a dinner. Why did I go from Pinterest mom to bat shit crazy in 60 seconds flat? Why didn’t I take a deep breathe and just let it go? I mean Elsa would have definitely just let it go! 😉 Well, I left the disaster dinner on the counter and made myself a batch of brownies. Yes, the woman who was practically force-feeding her kids cauliflower pizza crust was making a pan of brownies at 9:00pm. Oh the irony. I ate my brownies and went to bed.
Well it’s now 4:00am and of course I can’t sleep because who sleeps anyways?! I mean it feels like the rest of the world sleeps, but I’m sure I’m not alone right? Anyways, I get up to get water, go to the bathroom, apply my 14th layer of Burts Bees, check on the boys & pet my dog! As all is right in the world I head back for bed and I feel something in my pocket. I reach in to find mini puzzle pieces. C must have been putting them in my pocket while I was in the midst of my dinner rage and I didn’t even notice! Well for one I feel like extra shit for not even noticing what my son was doing the whole time I was yelling, but it also made me smile. Who knew puzzle pieces (that are too small and a choking hazard that he should definitely not be playing with) would stir up my love for my kids and put me at ease. Mom guilt and all, I am doing my best and I love those little turds more than life itself. Tonight my appetizer will be red wine 🍷!
(If anyone has any EASY ways to sneak in vegetables let me know. And not like Pinterest easy, more like I have a 20min window, strong willed children and a non-existent patience level easy)