It was today…three years ago…I remember it like it was yesterday. My phone rang and it was my sister, the time was 7:14am and I knew why she was calling. I knew it was over, I knew you were gone. I stopped breathing and my brain stopped thinking and I hit my knees and all I could say was, “oh my God”. The tears came, breath started. I stood up and said I had to call my husband. I had to call Jay – oh no! – he just left for work. It rang, he answered, I started sobbing but no words came out. “I’ll be right there,” was all he said…
These are the first moments of the day my dad died. The rest of that day and those that followed are a blur, but it’s these few minutes that I remember the most. This is not a sad post, really it’s a happy one. These last three years have come and gone so fast, that I hardly notice the time, most of the time. I still miss my dad, I can still hear his laugh, I can still hear his voice. I know he’s with us, in spirit and mind and for me, the best part is that, even though my girls only knew him for a few short years, they still remember him too. E was three at the time and now, sometimes she’ll say things like, “mom, grandpa would have loved that motorcycle,” or she’ll notice when I make something for dinner that he would have liked. H was only one, but she knows his face in the photos we have around the house. Every time it thunders outside, “oh that’s just grandpa bowling,” she says. It’s something we told them early on and it stuck, thank goodness.
So, today is no longer a sad day for me, but a day to stop and remember and take better notice of the things I am so lucky to have as I move on in life after death. Stop and take a moment today, take three, take ten, just breath and notice and remember how lucky we are to be here and how lucky we were to have loved those that are no longer with us because they would have it no other way. They would want us to move on and carry them with us as we move forward.
Enjoy the summer, enjoy the warmth and dammit, enjoy those around you with the time we have left!